Columbia, SC.
After the Midlands received a hefty 12 hour dose of precipitation last Friday, a select group of Vicious Bikers journeyed out to christen the 08-09 MTB season with an afternoon assault on the Palmetto Trail. 2x VBOY West Coast Chopper, King, and Streetball met at LL's house to head towards the fort. Choppy's inclination to arrive late, given that Street and LL were planning to "work on" LL's old Mtn. Bike to get it ready for Street to ride, was dead on. Witnessing these two jokers work on a bike will make any local immediately go out and purchase a case of fine ale to drop by Outspokin out of appreciation for the relative mechanistic genius that resides at that shop. Unfortunately, the arrival was a bit too early as Street was bent over the bike in the midst of a chamois change as Choppy arrived. Post-traumatic stress disorder has partially blacked out the other memories of the arrival, so there will be no comment on LL's whereabouts.
Anywho…..the foursome finally got going after a 5 minute conversation between LL and Street that went something like this:
Street: LL, you didn't screw with the bike did you? I mean you wouldn't do that.
LL: No, I didn't
(Repeat loop 75x)
The four hit the trail and it did not take long for Streetball to assume his Streetesque riding style. He was a bit out of sorts on the single track given that Choppy had decided to pick up the end of the line, leaving Street on LL's six, but he quickly locked in and left the obligatory millimeter for each mile per hour of speed. Within 5 minutes the group rounded a blind corner to find a log across the trail. LL quickly slammed on his breaks (while simultaneously envisioning a 14 year old skate punk with wool socks and checkered Vans busting an olly over 3 ft obstacle). A wry smile and an audible "Duuuudddeee" could be heard at the end of the line. Street, however, was not as lucky. His drafting had left him in a quandry that immediately launched him into MTB time-warp. Street hit the front break at which point the bike back-end raised and he found the ride perpendicular to the ground (Picture Punk pre-ninja stance). He was stuck somewhere between safety and a massive endo and Choppy could tell from behind that Street had wandered into a worm-hole in the space-time continuum that allowed him to simultaneously feel the impending impact whilst also seeing images from the big state championship game (which he would have won if the coach had only put him in). Fortunately his head cushioned the fall and the four set out once again.
Choppy was showing some of the moves that have earned him the title as the best VB Mtn. Biker and dashed around the group on the single-track. A highly technical section that consisted of at least a 3 ft. uphill with some small roots (to be read not technical at all), was the next section to put Street down for the count. He was quick to deflect the blame to LL's bike, but the general consensus in the group was that the rough pavement of the Big Loop had not adequately prepared Street for the off-road task.
The remainder of the trail was relatively uneventful except to note that LL dropped King and Street on the way back in with King yelling from the back in his patented move where he states that the group has to wait up for someone else. He was hurting. It was obvious. This has led LL to confidently claim that King will be his bi@#$ch in Camden.
On the way out of the Ft., King took a long-cut out the side of the Ft. through the woods next to Kings grant. He powered over a pile of rubble. Choppy saw looked ahead and saw the obstacle ahead and astutely moved to the left side to take an alternative line. LL cleared the rubble but slowed, causing Street, who was once again in full draft mode, to hit the deck while shouting "Da%#it Leighton". It was a thing of beauty. Street was in full-turtle mode while lieing on his back, still clipped in, with the bike above him. LL and King stopped, got off their bikes, and gave eachother chest butts while singing "Another One Bites the Dust." Choppy was in disbelief. The ride really couldn't have gone better for him. He torched the group on the ride and had a front row seat for 2 out of Street's 3 wipeouts.
Dejected, Street headed home. He started feeling a bit better about himself once the group returned to the road, but it was clear that his head was a bit off. It could have been the awkward pedaling style, or possibly the blood dripping off his chin, but the most obvious indicator was when he started hitting parked cars while riding up Deveraux. After slamming into a white SUV, one local witness, who quickly grabbed his child and through him into the safety of a ditch on the side of the road, yelled at the group saying "Just cause you're not driving a car doesn't mean you can be drunk on the roads you maniac".
The four finally made it back to LL's. Will Street ever ride a MTB again. Only time will tell. If he does, however, Choppy recommends you make sure you're there.
